Monday, July 04, 2005

Better than twice-confirmed huge junk?

Whenever I go out drinking, strange and interesting things always happen. I had one of those nights when I went out in Bloomsburg last weekend. I had witnesses in Vegas where we had 2 random guys buy our drinks for the rest of the night. I have many more stories where that came from... but first, this weekend's story.

I went out with Danielle and her boyfriend Mark on Saturday night. Al had a rough work week and didn't feel like moving off the couch, so I went without him. This is not an uncommon occurrance. (He thinks weekends are for amateurs.) It didn't start off any differently than any other night.

I met them at Weso's, our favorite little dive bar. Danielle had gotten me to join a bowling league last year, and we'd hang out at Weso's every Thursday night after we got done. We know the bartenders quite well and are very comfortable there. I walk in the door, and Mark's talking to some random people on the corner of the bar there. I make small talk with Mark and a guy in a yellow shirt, then wander over to the section of the bar where Danielle's sitting. She had a beer waiting on the bar for me - good girl! They're playing good music on the radio, and I'm singing along to the ones that I know.

One of the girls Mark had been talking to was giving another guy a backrub. Of course, I think I'm funny and say that I'm next. To my surprise, she comes over and gives me a pretty good back rub! We had the entire bar laughing when she made me turn around and put my hands up against the wall (think cop frisking suspect style) to do a quick pummel on my back. I thanked her and bought her a beer. (Remember this. Important to the story later.)

I also remember doing a dial-a-shot with BadBlood and a few of the guys at his house. It helped to warm me up for the rest of the evening.

While finishing up my second beer, I look across the bar and notice the guy in the yellow shirt is staring at me. I knew I was making a spectacle of myself by singing along and dancing, but it doesn't bother me. Right after, the bartender comes over and lets me know that guy across the bar has bought my next beer. Being polite, I wave and say thanks. Yellow-shirt-guy takes this as an invitation to talk and wanders to our side of the bar. I let it be known very quickly that I am married, but he still talked my ear off for a while. Luckily, a woman I know from my company comes over, elbows yellow-shirt-guy out of the way and saves me. Her friend the backrub girl comes over and wanted to know if we wanted to join them at another bar. It was a bar with a band and pool tables, so we went.

They weren't sure if I could start a tab at the new bar, so we stopped to get money from the gas station on the way. By this time, Mark has had several drinks (which was why I was driving them to the bar) and he gets a little silly when he's been drinking. Danielle and I walk in to use the ATM, and he needed the restroom. He walks by the guy at the counter and says, "You need to call 911. These girls have kidnapped me and I'm their prisoner." (Mark is 6'1", shaved head w/goatee, and looks like a mean biker.) Counter guy laughs and says, "Must be tough." Danielle is done first and goes back out to the car. I'm getting my money out of the ATM when Mark comes out of the restroom. When he gets to the counter, he asks the guy "Are they still here?" Counter guy peeks around the rack and says, "Just the blonde one." Mark comes back with, "Damn, she's the mean one!" We laughed all the way to the next bar.

We walk in and there's a decent number of people. The band's playing music that belongs at a wedding reception. We get to the bar and Mark starts singing the current song to the bartender - have I told you lately that I love you. She didn't find him that funny. We did. The other two girls show up and we're drinking and having fun. I make friends with the guy to my left since he keeps looking over at us like we're nuts. The guys across the bar are laughing at us too. Danielle picks at me as one of the guys across the bar buys me another drink. Backrub girl buys me a drink too. I'm just happy to get free drinks.

We start playing pool and shuffleboard bowling. The other girl has taken a liking to the guy who sat next to me. Around 1:30 AM, we all decide to go back to Weso's. The bartender tries to give me someone else's $150 bar tab, but I straightened it out and I paid the $14 that I owed. Maybe I should've taken that tab and the gold card that went with it...

On the way back to Weso's, Danielle, Mark and I decide we don't need any more beer and food's more important. We stop at the diner on the corner and grab a bite to eat. I drop them off at their car in front of Weso's, and the rest of our friends are still there. I walk in to say hi and hang out until they kick us out.

Here's where it gets crazy. The guy that they brought back with them has a very nice new Corvette and he offers to let her drive. They take a drive, which leaves me with the backrub girl. Out of the blue, she starts hitting on me and tells me that she wants to sleep with me. She says it will only take an hour and nobody will know. I'm a little creeped out at this point, but as she tries to reach for my hand, the test drive is over and they pull back in the parking lot. When the guy offers me a test drive, I quickly accept!

The car was awesome to drive, and after refusing to take a tour of his house, he drops me back off at my car. Luckily, the long drive home was uneventful.

I'm sure I put myself in strange situations, but somehow they seem to happen too often to really be my fault. If nothing else, I only spent $25 that night and had a blast. Maybe this is better than twice-confirmed huge junk. I get all kinds of free drinks and amusing stories to tell in the process!

10 Comments:

Blogger CJ said...

Just so I'm straight here... at least three people (2 guys and a girl) wanted you to sleep with them that night... and that doesn't count Al.

Damn, I wish I were a hot blonde woman.

3:27 PM  
Blogger StudioGlyphic said...

I think you should have at least called Al and gotten his opinion on the matter. Some guys dig that, y'know. :)

2:02 AM  
Blogger Huge Junk said...

You've had more ladies hit on you in the past week, than I have had in the past month.

Not fair...

3:12 AM  
Blogger Easycure said...

Great stuff! You have shown once again how well you can hang.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Buffalo66 said...

I always thought it was "twice confirmed HUGE junk", but I'm thinking it's just an urban legend - kinda like when Mikey died from pop rocks.

8:06 AM  
Blogger EvaCanHang said...

I guess I need to take Bob out to show him how to pick up women. (and I guess I need to add the HUGE in deference to Bob...)

BigMike always said it wasn't cheating if it was another woman. Somehow, I think Al would mind... if he wasn't there or didn't at least get pictures!

She wasn't my type anyways. Maybe next time.... :-)

8:38 AM  
Blogger BigPirate said...

If this isn't the most popular blog in the world yet, it will be soon. These are the kind of stories you make time for.

12:26 PM  
Blogger BadBlood said...

The best part is you actually called back...

:)

6:40 PM  
Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

WOW! There is this girl I know that is hot and always gets hit on by girls.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Drizztdj said...

I think you'd would be the perfect "wingman" if you asked me. :)

2:26 PM  

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